God never created us to be dependent but to be interdependent, submitting ourselves to God first and then submitting ourselves one to another “in the fear of God”.


Submission is to get under the mission that God had given to either man or woman. Just like you submit to God, a woman should submit to her husband  as even the husband should submit to his wife(Eph. 5:21). Submission is not a one sided thing. But the scriptures teach there is a greater degree of submission on the wife’s part. Man is the head. He leads. God holds the man responsible. When Adam and Even ate the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden, Adam was held responsible (Gen. 3:17). By nature man is a leader. In a marriage there has to be a final authority or deadlock would result. The man has that final authority.

In a marriage relationship, the submission of the wife to her husband is a choice that she must voluntarily choose. It is an attitude of the heart that cannot be dictated. But Paul is not instructing the wives to obey any ungodly command their husbands give. Submission and obedience are not one and the same (Acts 4:19, I Peter 2:13, Acts 5:29). We are never to disobey God in an effort to obey someone else (Rom 13:1).

An unsaved husband cannot be the spiritual head of a Christian wife. The headship of a man over his wife is in physical matters. He is the saviour of his wife’s body. He is supposed to provide for, defend and protect the wife in physical matters. He is not the spiritual head of the wife. In Christ, every born-again person, male or female, is in direct relationship with the Father through Jesus (Gal 3:28) and does not have any priest in between on which they are dependent. (I Pet 2:9).


(Eph 5:25) The Lord commanded the men to love their wives and the wives to respect their husbands. This is because women tend to relate to others more on the emotional level of love while men relate to others more on the level of mutual respect

Men do not have to like their associates in the business world to get along with them. If mutual respect is present, men can tolerate big differences. But in general women are more concerned with having a good relationship with others than men are. Because of this, if not warned, men will give women what they themselves crave, which is respect, while women will give men what they naturally crave, which is love. In doing this, the basic need of their partner will be lacking and the spouse will not understand why.

Men often equate respect with love. They think that because they honor their wife, provide for her and protect her, they love her. But the average woman wants to be loved on a more intimate level. Likewise the women think that because they are affectionate to their husband that is enough. Yet men want to be respected too.

A man who has everyone at the office show him respect has a hard time coming home and being criticized over some small failure in their performance, even if he knows his wife loves him. And the women who have others at work compliment her on her looks or personality has a hard time coming home to a man that ignores her even if he is a good provider.


Husbands are to follow the example of Christ in the way they love their wives. The love of Christ was extended to us before we requested it or changed our actions (Rom 5:8). Jesus took our blame and bore our punishment. Men should protect their wives by taking their shame and sharing their pain. The Lord also promised us that He would never leave us nor forsake us (Heb 13:5). A wife craves the security of knowing that her husband is committed to her “till death do us part”. Failure to impart this sense of security is a breeding ground for all kinds of fears and imaginations that Satan uses to destroy marriages.


The way the Lord sanctifies and cleanses us is through His Word. The Word - Rhema Word, spoken Word of God is the water that cleanses. This is a wonderful illustration for the husband of setting his wife apart by honouring her with his words. The wife will try to live up to that which the husband speaks over her. If the words are words that edify and build her up, she will want to live up to those words, but if the words are words that tear her down, she would be discouraged and unresponsive in the relationship.

A good wife wants to be glorious, without sport or wrinkle for her husband. She will stop at nothing to make herself beautiful. In the same way we are supposed to be as chaste and holy as possible in the flesh for the Lord. The Lord is not coming back for a weak, pathetic defiled bride. He is coming back for a glorious church. The difference is that the bride can do nothing to make herself beautiful. It was the work of Christ upon the cross – as He gave Himself for the Church – His bride that made her washed, cleansed, glorious without spot and wrinkle and set apart to Him  ( Eph 5:27).


The Lord does not see the Church glorious because of our actions. He is seeing by faith. Likewise, men ought to love their wives in the same way. We may not like the way we look or we may hate our personality, but we do love and cherish our own body. We go to great lengths to cool our body when it is hot and warm it when it is cold. We avoid pain and we indulge our appetite. To love one’s own body is natural but to love your wife with that same devotion is not because the essence of sin is selfishness. Because of sin, love for someone else is abnormal (Isa. 53:6). God’s kind of love must be learned. God’s love is unconditional. It never fails even when we do. He loves us though we don’t deserve it. His love is long suffering and kind (1 Cor. 13:4-8).

The covenant of marriage can be described as the solemn and binding pledge (vow) before God which joins a male and female in a whole hearted commitment to be one with and live as one for the duration of their natural lives (Rom 7:2). Anything that separates or divides our relationship in marriage is a failure to cleave to our mate in love and loyalty. This involves the forsaking of all other relationships so that we may continue to be united to each other (Ecl. 4:12). Husbands working the will of God and wives fulfilling her purpose for her life. They should both be in agreement so that their prayers may be answered (I Pet 3:7). The woman is created to be a helper to her husband. Eve was created for Adam. God’s vision was to make Eve the mother of many nations. The devil immediately tried to foil God’s plan by deceiving Eve. It’s important for a wife to know her role and follow it so as she and her family may prosper. 


The 5 fold role for the woman by the role of the Holy Spirit to fulfill her purpose:

She is to be a companion. The deepest need for a man is for a companion.

She is to be a comforter – speaking words which comfort.

She is to be a counselor –spending time studying the Word of God and in prayer, so that she can be a good counselor.

She is to be a reminder – Bringing all things to remembrance, not nagging, but to keep reminding gently and lovingly.

She has the ability to connect – connect with the children, community as a whole.

Marriage is a small scale model of what an enduring and lasting relationship with Christ should be. And our union with Christ is the supreme example of what a marriage should be.


Areas of conflict in marriage

Pride – (James 4:6) A proud person will not receive the grace of God.

Unforgiveness – (Mark 11:25, Isa 1:18) Unforgiveness stops everything that flows to us from heaven.

Unmatured fruit – Failure to major on the fruit of the Spirit – The love of God.

Spiritual maturity – We should be spiritually mature to make decisions which line up with the Word of God.

Jealousy (Prov. 14:30) – It is a result of insecurity. Pray asking God to heal you of it.

Being critical of your mate in front of family or friends.

Being critical of your mate in public.

Nagging ( Prov. 27:15)

Being long on words can cause problems (Prov. 10:19). There is a time to speak and a time to keep quiet.

Avoid being your mates’ Holy Spirit- Let the Holy Spirit change your mate.

By drawing close to God and resisting the devil (James 4:7), we can fight any demonic spirits which are released against marriage.



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